| 43T meme like thingy |
[Feb. 25th, 2009|07:45 am] |
I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a Tree Hugging Self-Knowing Money Manager |
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| Find the error, Xposted from 43Things |
[Dec. 21st, 2008|04:54 am] |
I stopped blogging at LJ because I prefer the goal orientatedness of my 43things profile. Apparently there is an error in this post with the HTML but I've checked it over three times and I can't find it, bonus points to you if you can, so I'm posting it over here on LJ because it won't let me post at 43Things.
It's also an update to let you know how I'm doing lately, what I've been focusing on. If you'd like to follow me over on 43T, there's an RSS feed that you can read, as I'm still blogging, just in a more goal orientated way.
EDIT: Thanks be to Ariel for finding the error :D
[43Things post]
I go to extremes about the amount of fun that I let myself have. I went through a phase where I was going clubbing 3-5x times a week, to periods where I whine that I never have any fun, blaming money and my wacky work schedule mostly. This weekend I kicked my work schedule excuse out of the water, while working from 0-9 for the entire weekend, I managed to go out both on Friday night and Saturday night.
Friday night was the office Xmas party. We always do it at this small, incredible French restaurants, where we eat excellent food, drink ourselves stupid and get incredible gifts from the boss. We make a list of three things and this year I got my first choice: The Archos 605 MP3 video picture viewer and two bottles of red wine . Since I don't drink red anymore, I can check off buying red for the party.
Now since I got about two / three hours of sleep and you add drinking into that mix, I have this mode that I go into where I'm:
-incredibly honest
-very insightful
-overtly friendly / helpful
-got laser like focus / need to keep busy
-slightly manic
Now it doesn't always happen when I get tired, sometimes I go straight to groutchy / bitchy. But I wish that I could just capture that mode in a bottle and use it in my personality all the time. In a way I think that I have . But I was inspired to finally get off my ass and admit that maybe I should start looking for a new job or maybe I just got tired of having my hours cut which was supposed to get better by now, but isn't. Either way, I finally got of my ass.
I don't know if people like articles where I link all over my previous entries (do you?), but to me it lets me know that my goals, values, actions and blog posts are in alignment, that I'm actually taking action towards reaching them.
Tonight, I went out to an Xmas party with a friend of mine. And this is where I get off topic, but I met with one of her friends and I have a hard time explaining what meeting him was like but I'll try
Like meeting a kindred soul / spirit
Interacting with a carbon copy of myself that goes beyond my own experience
Talking with someone intelligent, open, interesting and forthright
I didn't notice it at first, but situations kept lining up and when I finally did, I was just in _awe_ Things like this:
We were talking about apts and how you can become a slave to your stuff (which incidently is the goal I've written the most entries about, save for my snowflakes goal ) and he mentioned a Carlin routine about stuff that I can loosely quote from. I know it because an ex of mine was a BIG Carlin fan and it was mentioned on Unclutterer here I mentioned that I found out about Carlin's death from 43Things (funny but true) and he was like "oh I've heard of that." Then I gushed about 43T, like I always do, which lead to us talking about "Getting Things Done" he said, "GTD," I said, which I am not a fan of, couldn't get the book finished, but I've heard of and is BIG in the circles I hang out in Now you all know about the wonders about 43T, so it doesn't seem like a big deal, but I've learned that the Internet is a HUGE place and everyone has a different hang out area. Some people are big into the Ebay, some are big into the WoWing. It just shocked me to find someone into personal development, as I often feel alone in this domain when it comes to the real world.
Then there was the discussion where we were talking about what I call the "car wreck" blog, which is hard to summarize why I think her money management system is so horrible, but goes something like this: "Oh I got back 150$ from overdrafted accounts and I didn't have any money to spend on Xmas gifts so I bought a bunch of Xmas gifts, oh and gifts for me because I NEEDED them, oh and lunch because I deserved it but I don't understand why I'm always so broke oh and let me tell you about how I'm going to live for the next two weeks with 15.17$ in grocery money (which I can't find the link for sadly), but it's okay because my Daddy will bail me out and I'm going to be SO responsible with the money, but wait I need to go dolphin boating and take cabs everywhere I call it the "car wreck" blog because it's so awful, yet I love reading it, her financial life is a car wreck but I just can't look away. I spoke with him about writing her a letter of advice, but worrying that it wouldn't help. He said, it's her persona, you can't take it away from her, she wouldn't have anything left (or something brilliant to that effect)
I did do a little silly thing, that he told me right away made him uncomfortable, which I'm trying not to feel bad about. It's really something so simple, I did something, he told me, I stopped, end of story, now to convince myself that it's really not a big deal. I worry too much.
I must admit, that I'm not sure where I'd like something / anything with this fellow to go but I do know that I must stay in contact with him. When we spoke of connecting on FB and MSN and him coming to my party, it was like we'd known each other for years and years. It was so naturally the logical step to take next, but it's strangely eery looking back on, because there was NO doubt in my mind that this is someone to stay in touch with. I don't know if he gets that reaction often, but there are certain traits that I pick up on in people and I very often have incredible judgement, that I'm learning to listen to more often, even when it goes against more traditional beliefs. I don't know if I should be worried about the moving too quickly too fast, because I have gotten burned about trusting people too quickly and then being wrong, but I figure that I should listen to myself or is that this? Or do I need to dig out the abandonned Happiness Project mantra that says: In Jess we Trust
[/post]
And now you know why I don't blog on LJ anymore, I've moved over to 43Things, come and follow me there... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2008|04:49 am] |
Okay I accidently closed the browser containing the original article, which was linkerific and perfect. I'm now learning my lesson to write this in Notepad.
This article is going to go all over place, but first let me explain why this article is under my balance goal.
I go to extremes about the amount of fun that I let myself have. I went through a phase where I was going clubbing 3-5x times a week, to periods where I whine that I never have any fun, blaming money and my wacky work schedule mostly. This weekend I kicked my work schedule excuse out of the water, while working from 0-9 for the entire weekend, I managed to go out both on Friday night and Saturday night.
Friday night was the office Xmas party. We always do it at this small, incredible French restaurants, where we eat excellent food, drink ourselves stupid and get incredible gifts from the boss. We make a list of three things and this year I got my first choice: The Archos 605 MP3 / video / picture viewer and two bottles of red wine . Since I don't drink red anymore, I can check off buying red for the party.
Now since I got about two / three hours of sleep and you add drinking into that mix, I have this mode that I go into where I'm:
-incredibly honest
-very insightful
-overtly friendly / helpful
-got laser like focus / need to keep busy
-slightly manic
Now it doesn't always happen when I get tired, sometimes I go straight to groutchy / bitchy. But I wish that I could just capture that mode in a bottle and use it in my personality all the time. In a way I think that [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] </a>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] Okay I accidently closed the browser containing the original article, which was linkerific and perfect. I'm now learning my lesson to write this in Notepad. This article is going to go all over place, but first let me explain why this article is under my balance goal. I go to extremes about the amount of fun that I let myself have. I went through a phase where I was going clubbing 3-5x times a week, to periods where I whine that I never have any fun, blaming money and my wacky work schedule mostly. This weekend I kicked my work schedule excuse out of the water, while working from 0-9 for the entire weekend, I managed to go out both on Friday night and Saturday night. Friday night was the office Xmas party. We always do it at this small, incredible French restaurants, where we eat excellent food, drink ourselves stupid and get incredible gifts from the boss. We make a list of three things and this year I got my first choice: The <a href="http://reviews.cnet.com/portable-video-players-pvps/archos-605-wifi-160gb/4505-6499_7-32477557.html"> Archos 605 MP3 / video / picture viewer </a> and two <a href="http://www.43things.com/entries/view/3726159">bottles of red wine </a>. Since I don't drink red anymore, I can check off buying red for the party. Now since I got about two / three hours of sleep and you add drinking into that mix, I have this mode that I go into where I'm: -incredibly honest -very insightful -overtly friendly / helpful -got laser like focus / need to keep busy -slightly manic Now it doesn't always happen when I get tired, sometimes I go straight to groutchy / bitchy. But I wish that I could just capture that mode in a bottle and use it in my personality all the time. In a way I think that <a href="http://www.43things.com/people/progress/wbmsic/11353055" I have </a>. But I was inspired to finally get off my ass and admit that maybe I should <a href="http://www.43things.com/people/progress/wbmsic/12048001"> start looking for a new job </a> or maybe I just got tired of <a href="http://www.43things.com/entries/view/3522677"> having my hours cut </a> which was supposed to get better by now, but isn't. Either way, I finally got of my ass. I don't know if people like articles where I link all over my previous entries (do you?), but to me it lets me know that my goals, values, actions and blog posts are in alignment, that I'm actually taking action towards reaching them. Tonight, I went out to an Xmas party with a friend of mine. And this is where I get off topic, but I met with one of her friends and I have a hard time explaining what meeting him was like but I'll try Like meeting a kindred soul / spirit Interacting with a carbon copy of myself that goes beyond my own experience Talking with someone intelligent, open, interesting and forthright I didn't notice it at first, but situations kept lining up and when I finally did, I was just in <b> awe </b> Things like this: We were talking about <a href="http://www.43things.com/people/progress/wbmsic/11365639"> apts </a> and how you can become a <a href="http://www.43things.com/people/progress/wbmsic/10798251"> slave to your stuff </a> (which incidently is the goal I've written the most entries about, save for my <a href="http://www.43things.com/people/progress/wbmsic/10940354"> snowflakes goal </a>) and he mentioned a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac"> Carlin routine about stuff </a> that I can loosely quote from. I know it because an ex of mine was a BIG Carlin fan and it was mentioned on Unclutterer <a href="http://unclutterer.com/2008/02/22/george-carlins-stuff-routine/"> here </a> I mentioned that I found out about Carlin's death from 43Things (funny but true) and he was like "oh I've heard of that." Then I gushed about 43T, like I always do, which lead to us talking about "Getting Things Done" he said, "GTD," I said, which I am not a fan of, couldn't get the book finished, but I've heard of and is <a href="http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/05/06/review-getting-things-done/"> BIG in the circles I hang out in </a> Now you all know about the wonders about 43T, so it doesn't seem like a big deal, but I've learned that the Internet is a HUGE place and everyone has a different hang out area. Some people are big into the Ebay, some are big into the WoWing. It just shocked me to find someone into personal development, as I often feel alone in this domain when it comes to the real world. Then there was the discussion where we were talking about what I call the "car wreck" blog, which is hard to summarize why I think her money management system is so horrible, but goes something like this: <a href="http://salliesniece.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-spent-money-on-myself.html"> "Oh I got back 150$ from overdrafted accounts and I didn't have any money to spend on Xmas gifts so I bought a bunch of Xmas gifts, oh and gifts for me because I NEEDED them, oh and lunch because I deserved it </a> <a href="http://salliesniece.blogspot.com/2008/12/what-does-it-mean-to-be-rich.html"> but I don't understand why I'm always so broke </a> oh and let me tell you about how I'm going to live for the next two weeks with 15.17$ in grocery money (which I can't find the link for sadly), <a href="http://salliesniece.blogspot.com/2008/10/weddign-budget-update.html"> but it's okay because my Daddy will bail me out </a> and I'm going to be SO responsible with the money, but wait <a href="http://salliesniece.blogspot.com/2008/10/let-them-eat-wedding-cake.html"> I need to go dolphin boating and take cabs everywhere </a> I call it the "car wreck" blog because it's so awful, yet I love reading it, her financial life is a car wreck but I just can't look away. I spoke with him about writing her a letter of advice, but worrying that it wouldn't help. He said, it's her persona, you can't take it away from her, she wouldn't have anything left (or something brilliant to that effect) I did do a little silly thing, that he told me right away made him uncomfortable, which I'm trying not to feel bad about. It's really something so simple, I did something, he told me, I stopped, end of story, now to convince myself that it's really not a big deal. I worry too much. I must admit, that I'm not sure where I'd like something / anything with this fellow to go but I do know that I must stay in contact with him. When we spoke of connecting on FB and MSN and him coming to my party, it was like we'd known each other for years and years. It was so naturally the logical step to take next, but it's strangely eery looking back on, because there was NO doubt in my mind that this is someone to stay in touch with. I don't know if he gets that reaction often, but there are certain traits that I pick up on in people and I very often have incredible judgement, that I'm learning to listen to more often, even when it goes against traditional beliefs. I don't know if I should be worried about the moving too quickly too fast, because I have gotten burned about trusting people too quickly and then being wrong, but I figure that <a href="http://www.43things.com/people/progress/wbmsic/10952783"> I should listen to myself </a> or is that <a href="http://www.43things.com/people/progress/wbmsic/11346248"> this? </a> Or do I need to dig out the abandonned Happiness Project mantra that says: <a href="http://www.43things.com/entries/view/3338350"> In Jess we Trust </a> |
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| Metro Meme created by yours truely |
[Dec. 12th, 2008|12:12 pm] |
So I came up with this idea for a meme.
Here's how it works:
Using the handy metro map, pick out a section of the metro, Cote Vertu to Snowdon for example. Then "travel" through time and write out strong memories that you have of that particular metro station. They can be anything, like going to work in a snowstorm from that point, places you used to hang out, friends houses, etc.
This is what I came up with:
Berri - I remember I was running late for a Fido interview, so I picked up a muffin and a banana from the dep there. I had two interviews with them so that was my breakfast twice. As I was thinking about this the other day I saw this HUGE Fido ad in the metro.
Sherbrooke - Skip
Mont Royal - This is my failed date stop. I remember going out for sushi on two separate occasions with people where it just didn't work out. I've also got memories of walking up to the Tam Tams and stopping for cheap bottled water at the Dollarstore on the way.
Laurier - This is full of memories of Sitel for me. I used to stop every morning for a mocha like coffee and a breakfast sandwich at the little gas station on the way to work. There's also this kick ass sushi shop in that area.
Rosemont - Full of memories of a club I spent WAY too much time at that shall not be named. The specific memory that came back was when I went with Corey. There was also a little 24/7 fruit market right outside the station that I used to stop and buy cherries from.
Beaubien - Skip
Jean Talon - Let's pull out another work memory for this one, back when I was working on the farm and had to wake up super early to be able to catch the bus to get to the Waste. This one time a girl missed the bus and ran chasing it until she banged on the door in the middle of the road a fair distance away.
Xposted to FB |
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| Hello poor little neglected journal |
[Oct. 22nd, 2008|08:49 pm] |
It's not that I haven't been writing... I have It's just that poor little LJ has been neglected. And I've all but abandoned GK. Ah well.
So what's been happening in the world of Jess you ask.
I moved over back near RJ in NDG. Much stress before the move ensued. Been here almost two months now.
I'm throwing a debt FREE party sometime in mid November-ish-ish to celebrate my final student loan payment going through TOMORROW! It will be a wine and cheese party... yay! Message me for more details.
Still working at work. Will be two years in January. Boggles my mind to say that. TWO years. Been doing fun stuff like little bits of HTML programming, training, working on stuff to help my coworkers out. All in all still happy with what I do.
Been going through a bit of dilemma with what becomes important to me now that my debt is paid off. I suppose I'll start a Savings Snowball We shall see. Snowball my party at least.
Anyways, just wanted to send a shout out to let you all know that my LJ is not dead. |
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| I don't know... but I find this hilarious |
[Jun. 29th, 2008|08:29 pm] |
I stopped using one of my credit cards a couple of months ago. So the balance is supposed to stay at zero, if not, there's something wrong.
I check my bank account and notice that my CC isn't at zero. WTF? So I look at it and I recognize the name of the processor as one that we use at work, for an amount that I recognize as being a phone charge.
So I call up CCbill and the conversation goes something like this:
Hi, I have a charge I don't recognize on my CC, can I give the last four digits of my card please?
CCBill: Actually we need the full card number.
Sure it's XXXX, etc...
CCBill: And your full name and address please?
Jessica, etc... This is my address, Montreal.
CCBill: That's what we have here. Do you recognize
No.
CCBill: Okay we're going to refund the transaction to your card.
How long will that take? What's the name of the site that was purchased on?
CCBill: Oh it's called FemJoy.com... Explains refund delays.
*cracks up laughing* Someone used my credit to purchase on an adult entertainment site. That's just priceless.
Asks about Verified by VISA
CCBill: *is clueless about VBV
So tomorrow I'll worry about how someone got a hold of my CC number and address. Probably online somehow.
But for now... excuse me whilst I go and LAUGH MY ASS OFF, at being on the other end of a call that I've taken too many times to count.
Seriously, Ironies of Ironies... I think I'm one of the few who would find this situation absolutely hilariously funny. |
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| Hello from NYC |
[May. 17th, 2008|06:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
So here I am in NYC. As I said in FB it was a real last minute decision because my friend Ariel was heading down. So here I am... I had a whole bunch of things planned out, but due to lack of funds and timing and me needing SLLLLEEEEEPPPPP I cancelled out some of them. Oh well, I'm still having a blast here.
On Friday we got in around I think like 6:30 in NJ, his cousin's husband was nice enough to give me a lift into NYC, where I schlepped the the hostel. Seriously schlepped, in the rain :( When I got there I found out that I could only check in a 3, so I dropped off my bags and went off to adventure in the pouring rain. I tried to master the subway, but I didn't quite grok the difference between downtown and uptown and where to grab the subway for either of them. And then there is the difference between a local train and an express train. I ended up at a nice lingerie store because of that last mistake, bought something I needed, they're a little small, but oh well. So I wandered to Strawberry Fields, hung out there for a very little while. Then I wondered what I could do that was indoors.
I headed over to the Museum of Sex and had a BLAST. Bought all kinds of fun stuff, smart magnets and I <3 PORN buttons :D I'll be giving them away to random people shortly. Then I went over to Junior's for lunch, because I heard good things about it on NYC LJ. They have INCREDIBLE melt in your mouth cheesecake... it was YUMMY!
Then I headed back to the hostel and passed out for a few hours. I tried to go to the munch but I woke up late and it took me a really long time to get there and by the time I did, everyone had left. I had a yummy supper of spaghetti and mussels and went to go pass out because I literally couldn't keep my eyes open at that point. Passed out.
Woke up to a much, much nicer sunny day. Got lost like I said before and bought stuff. Wandered over to Times Square, just so that I could say that I went to Times. Headed over to Strawberry Fields with some flowers for the mosaic. (oh I'm omitting the coffee that I spilled all over myself in the subway, oh well) Wandered around Central Park, went to Turtle Lake, grabbed a NYC hot dog and some roasted nuts. Then I headed over to this knit cafe I had heard about, thanks again to NYC LJ for that one. Learned how to cast on properly (Finally) and was BAD and bought two GORGEOUS balls of yarn. Actually I had to ball them myself on this machine. So I started another 5 year scarf :P Let's hope that this one takes less than 5 years actually, I'd like to make it for someone and who knows where he'll be in 5 years.
I was supposed to go to a workshop but I don't have enough money to go the workshop and the party afterwards so I'm choosing the party. I hope I'll have a good time. I know I'll be dressed to the nines, I gots me a new PVC dress that I absolutely love, I can't wait to wear it. I'll change there because wandering around Harlem (where the hostel is) in it, hmm I think not!
So here's to an awesome party. I'm also looking forward to some good news at the end of the long weekend. I'm not going to say ANYTHING about it, until it's actually happened. So I'm crossing my fingers :)
Also of notable note, the lovely supper I had before leaving. Mmm rosee sauce. Recipe upon request.
And so dear friends, I shall sign off and wish you all a good end of the long weekend.
I'm working DAYS all this coming up week, sweet! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2008|12:03 pm] |
And in today's self-reflection session: (sparked of course by a conversation with ~)
Are you counter-culture just to be counter-culture?
I think that I had a reflection session on this one on GK a while back, where I complained that I had nothing to talk about with someone new, we jabber on and on and on nowadays, problem solved I suppose.
I suppose that I started out being anti-whatever for the thrill and novelty of it all. I think it also came with my upbringing. I know that I'm slightly snobbish about some stuff, I never know what it's going to be until I stumble upon it. Tying into my Potential article on GK, I was always told that I was smart, intelligent, full of potential. I spent my childhood doing two things: studying for school and various and assorted cadet stuff. Free time was meant to be productive, I'm still suffering from that mentally, as I went on in detail in my other article.
My parents banned me from watching TV after I got into a fight, that's what too much watching of power rangers will do to you I suppose. When I was able to watch TV, I got totally absorbed into it whatever someone else was watching. I never really got into my own shows (with a few notable exceptions). It makes me feel productive to say that I don't watch TV. The reality is that I don't know what to watch. If it's on and someone is talking to me, even if it's just an infomercial (especially if it's an infomercial) I can't tear my eyes away from the boob tube. Besides I don't feel I'm missing much by not watching the four channels that I would get without cable here.
Movies I'm getting more into, however they are all movies that I have seen before. I've also been rereading the same books over and over again for a long while. I'll branch out and pick up a PF book every so often, but I don't read much new fiction anymore. I just don't know where to get started, kinda overwhelmed by choices at the BANQ I suppose.
What do I do for fun, to relax, to unwind? I'm addicted to my Google Reader and the 25 or so blogs I follow on a regular basis there, most being PF blogs, but there's some personal development stuff in there too. I love long walks in the sunshine. LoA podcasts, LoA workshops, LoA message boards. Writing, blogging. Cooking. I would like to be doing more talking/speaking in front of people. I keep meaning to get into toast masters. Lounging on the balcony with a nice drink. Chatting of course, but I feel that that's mostly due to an inability to be alone and quiet with my own thoughts, for better or worse I suppose. Listen to classical music, listen to general music type stuff.
I'm still searching for the elusive I... She's out there somewhere, but you know picking up little things here and there along the journey is where most of the fun is really :D |
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| 100 things to know about Jess |
[May. 1st, 2008|10:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | giddy | ] |
I got inspired to write a little bit more about me. The 100 is because of my love of Lists of 100, which I'll link when I'm at home.
I prefer pickles to ice cream, sometimes I even like pickles AND ice cream (and no I'm not pregnant)
I'm kinda snobbish about not eating "poor people food"
I especially don't like "Pate Chinois" aka sheppard's pie
I'm not a big fan of pasta, although I will eat it occasionally
I recently learned that I actually prefer white wine to red (this was a big revelation to me)
I love to cook, however I have a hard time knowing in what order to make stuff. I'll often finish making the main dish before thinking of what to make as a side dish.
I actually like brussel sprouts
But not anchovies
I like pineapple on my pizza
Actually I either like lots of veggies and no meat, or disguisting amounts of every imaginable kinds of meat on my pizza
I love to swim, I used to swim professionally
Swimming is probably the closest I come to quieting my mind, I tend to hyper-focus on the presicion of the minute details of my form.
I used to play trombone both for school and for my squadron's marching band
I don't know how to read music while playing, I used to write the letter notes above the piece
I hate running
I love walking, especially in the summer, around the downtown core
I've had a lot of quirky jobs
Most of them came from the Hour
I was most proud to be a Staff Sgt, I gave my heart and soul to my job
Actually I gave my heart and soul to being a cadet most of the time
A great deal of the person I am today is because of the effort I made back then
I have a hard time knowing what do to with free time
I feel like I always have to be productive
I think this traces back to being in school and cadets, when my parents used to always make sure I was doing homework
The last time I spoke to my mother on the phone was in 2002 (when she refused to come to my graduation)
The last time I corresponded with her by email was in 2004.
I recently got an email response from my sister after not speaking to her for 6 years
The best thing that my parents ever did for me was to kick me out of their house at 13
I find it amusing to look at my habits and traditions and trace them back to where they originate from
I've lived in Ville St Laurent (x2), Snowdon, NDG (x4), Hochelaga (x2/3) and various other places including a brief stint in Pembroke, Ontario
I was most upset when I learned the the program that I went all the way over to Ontario for was offered at Dawson
I've spent more time at Dawson when I wasn't a student than when I was
I did something stupid to ruin my reputation at my favorite hang out (Dawson Sci-Fi)
It still haunts me whenever I walk in there
I don't actually consider myself to be a full-blown geek
I do however dabble enough in geekdom to pass for one
I'm deathly attracted to geeks
I would consider myself to be more of a nerd than a geek
I once got upset at getting a 97% on a test
I'm a bit of a "mark"ist when it comes to grades at school
I always flush public toilets with my foot
Even if I'm in socks
I take off my shoes/sandals when I'm at work
It's so that I can sit crosslegged
I used to always take off my glasses and watch when I sat down infront of a computer, I've since become blinder, so it's only my watch I take off
I go through about 2-3 liters of water during a shift at work
I barely drink water when I'm at home
I'm addicted to my auto-reloading Tim Horton's gift card
It's the only way I can follow a budget there
I generally sit down and budget down to the penny the minute I get my paystub
Dave Ramsey is my guru
I can't wait to be debt-FREE at 23
All of a sudden I have a 12,000$ credit limit
Most of my credit cards are cut up and featured on my wall with cute catchy sayings, because I refuse to be Mastered by a Card
I recently got sucked into getting a points card
I pay for everything with cash
I always empty my change purse at the end of the day
I have a jar for each denomination of coin
I average 20-30$ in an extra debt payment per month this way
I love rolling coins
I spend the most time online reading blogs through Google Reader
Most of those blogs are about Personal Finance
That's just one of the PFs in my life
I have two main blogs and a couple of less important ones
I've been "blogging" since WAY before it existed.
A great deal of my paper journal entries are addressed "Dear Person,"
I love looking back at how far I've come by reading old blog entries
I first discovered BDSM when I was 17
I still don't believe that I have all that much experience in the Lifestyle
I look great in PVC
I've only ever owned high heels from Payless
At one point most of my fetish wardrobe came from second hand stores
I'm addicted to online chat, which is good because it's also what I do for a living
I'm a HUGE believer in the Law of Attraction
I honestly believe that when you ask, it is given, that you just have to let it in
There was a point in my life when I was watching the movie The Secret every day
I keep a gratitude journal that I write in every "day/night" before going to sleep
I actually prefer shift work (24/7) to 9-5
I could write a whole list like this filled with reasons why I love my current job
I'm just as likely to listen to classical music as I am techno
I call my laptop the Lappy 486
My nickname when I was young was Max, after the character in Where the Wild Things Are
I sometimes worry that I am unable to keep a sustained interest in anything
My life is very black and white, I'm either completely absorbed in something or I don't care
Finding out that I have BPD was a blessing in disguise
I found LoA more beneficial in my life than CBT
I love my prescription drugs
Actually I love the fact that they help me to function
I'm paranoid about being abandonned
I will force someone to leave rather than be abandonned by them, because then (in a fucked up kinda way) it's been done by my own hand
I adore Mont Blanc pens, I've owned two in my life
I lose a lot of things (see above about my beloved pen)
I am the snooze Queen, to the point where I can snooze for hours and hours on end
My alarm is already across my room
I'm an ESFP
It's amazing what reading about my personality confirmed for me
I love sushi
Good hugs are so worth it, ditto goes for cuddlers
Two of my favorite quotes come from the book the Fountainhead
I'm always growing and changing, I strive to make it for the better. |
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| 5 things |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|04:15 am] |
Has it really been almost 3 months since I last posted? Woah, poor little neglected blog.
A fire alarm went off at the house today. There is a difference between the alarm going off in apt and in the whole building. I ignored it at first but then started to smell smoke, so I decided to go down stairs. I grabbed a couple of things on my way down:
So here is the list of the 5 things I grabed:
The Lappy of course
The IRiver (MP3 player)
The IRiver charger
A grad picture of Fabi and I
A blessing for the home that I picked up in Israel
What's 5 things would you grab in your house was on fire? (people and pets excluded)
Other than that I don't know how to summarize what's been going on in my life accurately.
Work is.
School is not.
Life is.
Debt will soon be not and savings for my apt will be. That's something to get excited about!
Anyways back to work then. |
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| IT'S A PARTY |
[Jan. 23rd, 2008|05:16 am] |
I'm throwing a partey as a celebration for my ONE YEAR anniversary at working the same job. It also just so happens to be my birthday three days later.
I posted about this on Facebook, but not all of you are on my Facebook friends list (if you're not yet, add me... Jessica Van Hove) so I'm posting it here too.
Details:
Sunday January 27th at 5 pm until whenever...
At the Jess' apt, detailed instructions on how to get here on request.
I'd really love to have a varied bunch of friends come, so please leave a comment if you can come. Even if it's just a maybe...
So poke, poke... cough... ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) warmbear who missed my last birthday party.
Oh, just one rule:
There will be NO threesomes at this party. None. What. So. Ever. (Did I mention that they're getting married?)
So... hooray a party... Getting to see the Jess' apt... Free food... Celebrating the fact that Jess is stable and older... What other excuse for a party do you need? :P |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2008|12:30 pm] |
I just wanted to post a quick entry to thank everyone who's really been there for me over the last week. Your support, your asking how I am, your cards, flowers, have been so appreciated as I learn to move on from this.
I went to the closing of shiva on Sunday. It was awkward being there with all of her family, you see, she was really my link to her family/in laws. I have some ties with some of the ones that I've seen at the Holidays over the years, but she was always the one that I sat next to and spoke to and everything. See this isn't just about losing one person, it's really about losing my family.
Anyways Sat I went over to some friends I hadn't seen in a while. They got a new puppy, so I spent most of my time there laughing and playing with the puppy. Then I went to an "office get together" where my boss and I had drinks and shot pool. Rather, he shot pool, I tried to hit the balls, not very sucessfully at that. It was really nice to get out of the mourning mode. I also laughed much, and got some insight into stuff at work. And today I'm back at work with everyone in the office. It's nice to be here while there are people. I like being around people.
Anyways, I'm back to work... |
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| Funeral |
[Jan. 15th, 2008|02:30 pm] |
So, like I wrote, things were not going well for Fabienne. I got the call on Monday morning at work from her daughter, that it was over, that she was gone. I was dealing with shithead customers at the time, in my head REALLY not caring about their petty little problems.
I went to school to pay part of my school fees, not trusting myself not to be impulsive with the money that I was carrying. It was good. I chatted with some of the staff I know well there, it made me feel better. Then I zombied my way home and passed out. Pat actually came over to meet with me here at the apt, which was really nice of him to do so.
Went back to bed and eventually dragged my ass out and to the funeral. I didn't know what time it was at before checking so I got there a little bit late. I walked in to the point where they were talking about her work with the foster kids, how she really cared about us. I cried so so hard when I heard him say that one of her requests was to make sure that one of them (ME) had a place to go for the Holidays. Her sister confirmed it, three days before she died, she told her to tell Elsa (her daughter) to take care of Jessica.
As we were leaving for the burial, one of her in-law's family came up to me and gave me a hug and told me "she loved you so so so much"... It was really touching to be with her family, to see how they were impacted by her death, to see their pain and tears. It made my crying somewhat easier. To have them wipe away my tears.
The burial and prayer there, was... touching again to see everyone mourn for her.
Then shiva at her house, I kept expecting her to show up around the corner, difficult to remember that I was there specifically because she isn't here anymore. It still very much doesn't feel real. I imagine it won't for a while.
Work is being super cool, paid today even though I didn't go in. They say I can take upto 4 days unpaid if I want. Megan took the time to send me an email with her condolences, which I really appreciated.
It's nice to have people offer sympathies. It somehow makes it easier, slightly.
Anyways, I know it will hit me hard, when I'm looking to make a recipe and need advice on it. Or after my review when I want to tell her about it. It's then that the news will start to really sink it. It just doesn't feel real right now.
Anyways that's what happened. I wanted to write it out while it's still fresh in my mind. I'll be heading out to the West Island over the next couple of days to sit shiva |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2008|04:46 pm] |
I am so completely and utterly beyond tired. I slept last, the day before yesterday night, I think. Today has been a day of such highs and lows.
I finally went to go and see Fabi in the Hospital. And she is completely and utterly out of it, to the point where she didn't recognize me when I walked in. However, there are two things that I will be eternally grateful for. ONE: I went to go and see her the day before she went into the hospital... by fluke, but by the Grace of G-d, the universe or something. TWO: Before I left today, I looked at her and I told her that I loved her, she couldn't get through saying I love you too... but she said I llll... And I looked at her and I said that I know. I am so so so blessed to have been able to do that. Really.
In other life changing news... I have decided
That I am going to stop begging for scraps of attention. Thats it... Enough. It's time to tell a few people to go and FUCK THEMSELVES... Cut them right out of my life... Give me my money and go away, I don't ever want to speak to you again. It's moments like this, where you realize that you want to have quality memories, not be a fucking beggar. And you know what, I just may blast my father for being the inconsiderate ASSHOLE that he is... Ditto goes for Josh... And Marilyn, who is too busy to make time for me, can exit stage right for all I care.
It's time to start acting like an adult. Clothes I've gotten better at, but just in general, more personal appearance stuff. It feels important... Now to actually apply it.
I want to do a seder this year. It won't be official or anything, but it's something that I would like to do.
And now a Jess rant... You all can skip this...
Life will hand you things... That you MAKE happen.
You don't just suddenly become happy, you intend it... You make it happen.
You don't just suddenly become responsible, you make it happen
You don't just all of a sudden have more free time, you make it happen
Being rich has NOTHING to do with the amount of money you earn at your job... Quit whinning about it... You work yourself to death, because you choose to do so... Ditto on the debt.
And now, before I pass out, as the world starts to spin. I'm going to bed.
I'm really going to lose her, it's only a matter of time now. How I'm going to go on without her, I really don't know, she is a dear, dear friend and I love her dearly. I'm so thrilled to know, that whatever happens, I will go on. I will land on my feet. |
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| Meme |
[Dec. 30th, 2007|12:03 am] |
Stolen from the blogsphere
I'm propably going to forget half of what I did this year, so this is really off the top of my head. I'll probably correct it as I remember more shit.
What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Kept a job, let's say it again... Kept a job... And again, just so it sinks in: Kept a job
A job that I just so happen to love and do well at
Found an apt that I love that is some what decently neat
Those would have to be the big two
Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nah... I'm more prone to self reflection in Sept, Jewish new year and start of school year.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope
Did anyone close to you die?
Nope
What countries did you visit?
Stayed in the country
What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A stable kinky relationship
What date(s) from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don't remember the dates, tho I could look them up:
The breakfast breakup with Mo and Caitlin
The day of the bus strike, when I got the email from chocojoshy ending a 6 year friendship
What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Work and the apt (a reoccuring theme, yes)
Paying off Algonquin!!!
What was your biggest failure?
Hmm, I don't really think I have one
Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Nothing major
What was the best thing you bought?
Oh let me count the things:
The lappy 486
The fountain
Leather jacket x2
600$ worth of clothes
Ye cuffs
MP3 player
Whose behavior merited celebration?
warmbear for finally finding someone to be happy with :)
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
See above... Would have to be Mr. I-make-her-wear-the-collar-but-really-she-has-me-by-the-balls
Where did most of your money go?
Hmm that's a good question... Well there is that debt I knocked out.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My "new" project at work
My lappy 486
Moving into the apt
"My" Mt. Blanc pen occasionally
What song will always remind you of 2007?
SIN by Push+Play+REC
Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? Thrilled to be alive, a far, far, far cry from this time last year
thinner or fatter? Ugh, don't ask
richer or poorer? Financially stable, what a glorious, glorious feeling
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Playing, more people to love
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Working, MAYBE.
How will you be spending Christmas?
At WORK!!!
Did you fall in love in 2007?
I thought so, I wouldn't count it anymore
How many one-night stands?
Did I do one nighters this year? I'd have to go back and look it up, don't think so though.
What was your favorite TV program?
No time for TV
What was the best book you read?
Ask and it is Given and company
What was your greatest musical discovery?
:D P's music
What did you want and get?
The apt!!
What did you want and not get?
Material wise... hmm, my lovely pen
Relationship wise... we've been over this
What was your favorite film of this year?
Not really a movie person
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Ugh we don't talk about the birthday threesome anymore.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Honestly, I don't think anything would have made this year better. I had a really awesome year, all things accounted for.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Blouse and sweater look
What kept you sane?
Blogging
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Totally N/A
What political issue stirred you the most?
Hmm, let's see, sex ed in Quebec and the whole Gardasil thing were last year, no?
Who did you miss?
See above
Who was the best new person you met?
:D... I'm going to say P, but that's only because I'm just slightly obsessed
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
Stability is really a wonderful thing.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I'll have to think about this one. |
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| What is best in life? |
[Dec. 25th, 2007|02:28 pm] |
After seeing this quote online:
Mongol General: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?
Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.
Mongol General: That is good! That is good.
I asked myself...
What is best in life?
To have the security to know that all is taken care of.
The first bite of a delicious home cooked meal.
The way your heart swells right before an "I love you."
Being appreciated for hard work you do
The company of friends
Comforting music
Anticipation
Knowing that all is well
Knowing that when you Ask it is Given
Knowledge
Sharing knowledge
Being listened to/read and acknowledged
Having goals and a purpose in mind and following it
Stability
Abundance
I realize a lot of these have to do with work... Figures. Eleven months tomorrow. Sometimes it feels like I just started yesterday. I had a coworker tell me that he'd rather ask me questions than the bosses, totally warmed my heart to hear him say that. I also answered a question for him that I don't even think to ask more than one question for. You can't type? Are you using a Mac? Yes. Macs don't work, you're screwed... LOL, well we say it nicer than that.
I am quite proud of this one question that I have on my exams that is basically a multiple choice of some very basic, very common technical issues, with screen shots examples from each of them. I think I'm going to talk to my boss about putting it into the actual training manual.
Anyways happy Christmas people... Go spend it with the ones that you love. |
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| So I've almost made up my mind |
[Dec. 24th, 2007|11:26 pm] |
But after being swayed by the ads in the metro, I'm leaning toward the go for it. The Gardasil ads that is.
Some of you will remember the announcement that they've come out with a vaccine for 4 of the more dangerous of the 100-200 (depending on which source you read) strains of HPV in July of 2006.
I'm about 75% made up my mind that I'm going to go and get it done. It IS 120-135$ a shot X three shots. Then again, I wrote the paper on HPV, (I'll dig it up for you all to read again). I have sex. If I can protect against something as ubiquious as HPV, then yes please.
In other news, this thursday will mark the END of my Algonquin debt. In the past 6 months I've knocked out 1500$. Go me!
Next up, cash flowing a couple of classes at Dawson, (probably) the Gardasil vaccine and building up the Emergency fund again. After that I've decided that a vaccation is in order. Just something small, 500-800$ or so. I'm debating between NYC and Florida, but it will probably be NYC. Or maybe I'll finally do my big Vegas trip. I think that's a ways off still, maybe as a treat when I get through the rest of my debt. I also don't want to be dipping into my 4%, that's for when I move into the next apt.
Anyways, things are going well. I had a blast at my Office Xmas Christmas Partey. I also got a new digi camera. It's a Nikon Coolpix L14 7.1 mpix. It's got video recording feature on it AND Jess has a tripod at home :P Free porn!! LOL
Speaking of work... 11 months on the 26th, not that I'm counting or anything. That will make it a full year on the 26th of Jan. I'm so throwing a party, oh for my birthday too. There will be NO threesomes, I swear.
Anyways, at work now, tomorrow morning and NYE. NYE I'm kinda bummed out about, there's now a show of a "new" friend I want to go to. Ah well I'll go after work.
Just a dash off article to let you know that I'm still alive. I almost forget to write here now. |
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| Personal Finance |
[Dec. 13th, 2007|01:20 pm] |
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, some of which made me stop and scratch my head. Those of you who know me, know that I do a lot of thinking/reading/learning about Personal Finance. The PF blogs I follow are on Google Reader. To give you an idea of the amount I read, in the last 30 days I've read 269 articles related to personal finance. That's not counting the hours of Dave Ramsey radio I add on to that, another I'd say 2-6 hours of PF talk show radio per week (not counting the commercials, which I skip). So when I say that I have an opinion about money, that's just some of the background behind it.
It started like this:
GET A FINANCIAL ADVISER.
Jess' response: Are you crazy? Do you think I don't know anything about money? Do you think I want to pay someone to do what I can do myself? Jess goes on and talks about MERs, loads and mutual funds versus DRiP ETFs (or index funds) etc, etc...
The conversation goes on, and I discover that (because they have said financial adviser) that THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEIR MONEY IS INVESTED IN.
Let me back up two steps before I say anything. Go back and read the title of this article. Personal... Finance... PERSONAL... Finance. Let me make sure this is clear... It's called Personal Finance, for the very simple reason that it is Personal. There is no right answer for anyone. You can't read the "right" book, follow the "right" answer and be okay for the rest of your life. Every author has an opinion, guidelines if you will for what they think is the right answer. This being said, there are some general suggestions that will probably apply to most people. How people interpret them will vary of course, but the concepts behind them are solid.
It's YOUR money
Here's why I got upset. The money that you earn, is... YOUR... Money. You worked hard for it. You're the one who froze your butt off doing overtime for it, went bug eyed in front of Photoshop for it, wore out your feet standing on them all day for it, etc, etc... You earned it, you deserve it. Find me someone who cares as much about YOUR money as YOU. Financial advisers make their money, from your money. They don't care as passionately about your money as you do. Take advise from them, yes, but know the why behind you are doing it. Not because some guy with a couple of letter behind his name said that gold is a good investment.
Now I'm not saying that you should obsess over every last penny in your RRSPs but that you should have an idea of not only how it's allocated, but why it's being done that way. All investments have pros and cons. In general you trade potential payoff for potential risk. Meaning the bigger the rate of return, the higher the risk. How high is your risk tolerance?
I'm 22 years old, I have over 40 years before I retire. By the book my investments in RRSPs should focus on growth, meaning riskier investments. I have my RRSPs in a savings account that doesn't beat inflation. I consciously made this decision. Why? Because to me it's a short term investment, I want to pull out the funds in the next few years to use on the Life Long Learning Plan for Post Secondary Education.
Your income is your biggest wealth building tool. Not the stock exchange, not the lottery, your income. Over the course of your lifetime, you will see over a million dollars in earned income. Which brings me to the next point...
Spend less than you earn
In a "buy now, pay later" world this not an easy concept. Car loans, student loans, furniture loans, payday loans and the ever popular credit credit guarantee that and are a by product of our day and age. People who make more money, generally find more money to spend. You won't have more money when you start making more money. You will have more money when you make it a priority to have more money. When you make a conscious, personal decision to start saying No. No, I don't need to have that coffee and bagel every morning. No, I don't need to have this brand new (insert your favorite gadget here). No, I am not going to borrow money for something that I don't have the cash to buy now. N-O. A simple word, yet so hard to say.
Have an umbrella for when it rains (and yes, it's going to rain)
Better known as an emergency fund, it is suggested to have 3-6 months of living expenses in an liquid, easily accessible place. Even if it's only earning 3%. Even if you have 18% credit card debt. Mathematically, it doesn't make sense, yes. But if you were good at math, you wouldn't be in debt (Thank you to Dave Ramsey for that brilliant quote.) The worse thing to use in an emergency is a credit. Let me say that a different way. A credit card is not an emergency fund. There is no price on security. I don't think I really have to list all the things that could possibly go wrong as that list would vary for everyone. To give you an idea: your car breaks down, you lose your glasses (kayaking in the Ottawa River, it could happen to anyone, okay?!), you lose your job, your apt/house burns down, etc, etc, etc...
This is probably more ranty than it needs to be, but don't try and stop me when I get excited about something. It's not meant to be an attack on anyone, it's just the way I see thing.
A great article to read if you want to see someone else's point of view on 5 basic principles of Personal Finance would be The Simple Dollar's Everything You Ever Really Needed to Know About Personal Finance on the Back of Five Business Cards
And with that, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and pass out now. |
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| This and that |
[Dec. 8th, 2007|01:47 pm] |
I don't even know where to begin...
I've been upset at myself for "opening my big mouth" and insulting a friend of mine's Lifestyle choices. I've thought about it and thought about how the best way to apologize and I just don't know. See I've drawn an analogy to the way I write G-d, I'd have a spaz attack at anyone who picked on me for it, and yet... there I go anyways. So it's been upsetting me.
And writing styles, yeah, that's not fair either. G-d knows I have my own quirks and such about the way I write, both here, on GK, at work, etc. The whole POINT of a blog is to be able to express yourself freely. And who am I to be the grammar police? Seriously Jess.
I've already managed to lose my bus pass, not once but twice this month. Ouch. That's a trifle bit expensive.
I got myself in a bit of trouble for my apt being a mess. I did the bright thing of throwing a fit and kicking my garbage can. BAD IDEA... My foot's all bruised now. Bad idea, indeed.
And it's that day of the year again...
//o-o\\ Forever...
But let's not dwell, let's talk about happy things.
I've now acquired a leather winter jacket, which I am COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH!! I was going to get a longer, more feminine one, but then I found this slightly (just slightly) military-ish one. It's so awesome. And I paid the same price as my current winter jacket, which I hate.
I've also finally gone to IKEA for their Hajdeby bookshelf sale. It's a cubicle like 4x4 bookshelf. Now am I going to spend more than the price of the bookshelf itself on the baskets that go with it. Hmpf. Still it's meant to be an organizing thing for me. A place to hide all my paperwork and the such. We'll see how that work out.
Anyways, food time. |
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| Why I love having my apt |
[Nov. 27th, 2007|07:09 pm] |
For a moment I stepped back and took a look at my apt through someone else's eyes. I've been working on really making it mine lately. And it's really the little touches that I love about it.
Images...
( Read more... )
And I think that that's it for now :) |
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| Buy a book for children |
[Nov. 14th, 2007|04:36 pm] |
Every year, there's a charity that collects new books for children in need. I've always thought about what books have impacted my childhood, you know, the best of the best, that I'd like to share with others. This year I'm actually in the position to be able to do it, so I will :)
Here are the books that I'm toying with the idea of giving:
-Where the Wild Things Are
-Sara (book 1) (Law of Attraction for kids, which I just recently read actually)
-The wonderful story of Henri Sugar and Six more (Roald Dahl)
I have a few that I really like by Robert Munsch, namely:
-Good Families Don't
-Love you Forever
-Paper Bag Princess
(I'll probably pick one of those three.)
For those of you who remember Robert Munsch's stuff, he's got a site where you can listen to the stories. Thought some of you (*cough* warmbear) might be interested. |
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| Coffee geyer |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|05:33 am] |
This one made me crack up...
I just sat down with my coffee from McD's and I was pressing down the Sugar and Cream buttons and was rewarded with this stream of coffee flying out of the cup. I thought it was hilarious.
Now I have to remember not to have the cup overfilled and remember that there is a little hole in the top of the cover. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|05:33 am] |
Has it really been three weeks since my last post?
My dear LJ friends, I am sorry for neglecting you. GK has been suffering as well, not for lack of things to post about.
Went through a period of working 50 hours a week for three weeks and then I ran away to Toronto, on a delightful "vacation."
Turns out that a friend of mine was driving down to TO to help out someone with their display at the Everything about Sex expo. So I checked with my aunts and ended up in TO earlier, paying through the nose for the bus down. Got to take the metro Subway in TO which was fun, to be independant from my aunts in a foreign city. Suppers with them were delightful, great to eat excellent, yummy, healthy food, as I haven't been eating so heathly later, too many restaurants and take out. When I'm working crazy hours, what choice do I have. No inspiration about cooking lately anyways. So TO was awesome, spending money like it was going out of style. THAT is what being rich is all about. I want it, I buy it. It's a delightful feeling that when I get back to reality I ask "did I really spend a grand in three days?"
I bought 600$ worth of clothes, a complete fall wardrobe. I needed clothes and now I don't anymore, SWEET. I bought a beautiful set of leather cuffs, that I can't get over how pretty they are and so so so much fun to play with, hehehehehehe.
Work. I'm thrilled to be doing a new project that my boss assigned me because I stayed after work to role play with a new coworker of mine. She commented that it wasn't the first time I had done this and asked if I wanted to do a training sort of manual of actual live examples for new people. I'm thrilled to be doing it, it's fun to go digging through accounts looking for something in particular, drawing from real life examples that I deal with everyday. It makes me pay attention to what's become routine.
Anyways back to work :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 1st, 2007|01:41 am] |
I'm not sure where I'm going to go with this. I had an entry that began to compose itself as I was coming home. Then there's just everything that's going on in my life guys wise, that will take it's place in another blog, as soon as I sort out how I feel about everything (time, yes indeed, will it take)
First of all, let's take six seconds and talk about Dave Ramsey, yet again. I'm KILLING my debt, HA... Go me! I'm hoping to knock out 812.75 in the next three months, we shall see. It's going to feel so awesome when it's gone. Then it will be time to surf and kill my CC debt, the Student Loans. OT is good. Working 49 hours this week, no life for the Jess.
Speaking of having a life, I don't know if I've mentioned here (I'm sure most of you have heard me talk about it live) but I finally took the plunge and went back to look into volunteering with Cadets. I finally got an email that said that "if I was still interested" (HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH) that I could come by and sign the papers. Going back into this just brings up so many questions. Nevermind the fact that I had "forgotten" what a full time job cdts is. I have a full time job already. How I'm going to balance them, swimming, volunteering with the museum, my friends, SLEEPING!! and everything else, like managing my apt and eating, I don't know. It worries me slightly. However, the more you do, the more you do.
Then there's the fact that my life and mentality has changed SO much since I was last a cadet. My main hobbies (let's see... sex and money) don't jive with that. I love instructing so much. There's nothing like being able to think on your feet, to come up with concrete examples and analogies and getting the class involved and answering questions and making it all fun and exciting and and and and... It's such a rush for me. I miss it dearly. Tho I wonder if I still have it in me, if I can put aside the Jess that I've become and BE a ma'am "again" I wonder where she's been lurking all these years. I know how good it will feel to slip into it again, yet I still worry. I'm so far away from where I was from then, for better and for worse.
Anyways I have to be at work in 6 hours, I'm going to get me some sleep now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2007|04:19 pm] |
I just went crazy posting pictures
Here are the results...
It's a collage of past to present...
I love it
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| Values, ethics and decisions |
[Sep. 10th, 2007|10:40 am] |
Life has a way of making you put into question what you hold to be important. As if it's asking "how dear is this to you?"
I wrote an article on Facebook (for those of you who haven't added me on facebook yet, you can use the email have I have on my userinfo page) about the recent death of someone I was in cadets with. It's amazing how fast news travels on the WWW. I said that it wasn't the fact that he was gone that I was upset about but the fact that it reminds me that I'm mortal.
September 13th is coming up. I feel that I should be at Dawson to pay my respects, however it's also the Jewish High Holidays, so I shouldn't be "seen doing something non-religious by a non-Jew." Both are more important to me, however, don't ask me why, but Dawson is more important to me. I remember how depressed I was before the shooting and I look at my life now... Definately a turning point in my life. Seems odd to miss it because of a Holiday, High Holiday or not. I mean wouldn't G-d understand that this is important to me? Anyways I'll have to sit and do some more thinking about it.
Also work, therapy and house meeting. My boss asked me if I wanted to work on Tuesday because I'm not working much this week (see above about the Holidays). I initially said yes, then looked at my agenda and remembered that I had a (new) therapy session and a house meeting scheduled. Mathematically it makes more sense to go to work (13*8... okay after tax 10*8) vs (35$ if I don't go because I didn't give 48 hours notice). However I know that my health is important and I KNOW how long it took me mentally to get to the point of making this apt so I better damn well keep it, and not miss it because I need an extra 75$ in my pocket. The budget is made for 2 shifts, much as it would be nice to have an extra one, the budget is made and it's fine that way.
Ahh life... how I love thee (or the as Geo would say) and thy contrast... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2007|02:12 am] |
I saw this and was just so blown away by it, that I had to share it. It's so true, that feeling that just swells up in you...
"The perfect mate is one that makes you feel good. To be the perfect mate, you make your partner feel good. You do this by looking for the positive aspects in each other. You think you want to be loved, but what you want is the feeling of love coming out of you. When the other evokes that from you, that is why you feel loved.
You are wanting to interact with someone because you are wanting the feeling of love to be evoked from you, and you are wanting a subject, or a target upon which to direct your love.
You are wanting the glorious deliciousness of the physical experience. You are wanting someone who is a friend, someone to respond, someone who seeks adventure, someone who
wants to laugh at the things you are wanting to laugh at. You have
launched long before today a very powerful creation.
Keep your eyes open for it, and stop being so guarded about it.
Exaggerate, add emphasis, talk to yourself everyday about what
you are wanting. As you get up in the morning and beat on your chest, say to yourself "Today I am going to see evidence of the coming of my perfect mate. Today I am going to look under every rock, around every corner, I am going to keep my eyes open for that perfect mate. Today I am going to find, or at least get closer to that perfect mate." Then you have awakened your guidance system! You have stated what you want. Your guidance system is aware."
EVOKING THE PERFECT MATE
by Abraham Tape AB-17 Mating |
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| It's amazing what people throw out |
[Sep. 8th, 2007|04:15 pm] |
So I found this mini BBQ in the trash. I walked by it a couple of times before grabbing it, looked it over and saw that it had no holes or anything in it. The grill was a little bit rusted and the bottom looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a while, but it was nothing that a little TLC couldn't fix. So for about an hour's work, a little steel wool, a little Easy off I've now acquired a BBQ for myself.
See pictures...
( Read more... ) |
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| Places and people from my past |
[Sep. 7th, 2007|10:51 pm] |
Although I do this often, look back at my life that is, today was another one of those days where I took a farther glance back. I went to go and visit my foster mom in Pierrefond and while I was there I decided to stop in at my old high school. It was an odd feeling to be strolling through there, wearing just regular clothes and no one stopping me to ask any questions. I kept going "and this is where I did such and such" or "here was such and such a teacher's class." And amazingly the place still smells the same... Ah the smell of high school, the smell of oppression vs the feeling of freedom and possibility that I get from stepping into the Atrium at Dawson. I kept expecting Choco or Strauss to walk around the corner.
I also went back to Dawson to catch up with old teachers. I don't think I'll ever leave that school, LOL. Even after I graduate, I don't think I'll leave, I know too many people there. I was walking by the corner and I had such a flashback to when the memorials were still up. Then I looked at the front door and saw it like it was, what almost a year ago. How are we going to deal with Sept 13, 2007 as a school, as a community, as a city?
The song "Wake me up when September ends" keeps reminding me of my time in Pembroke. It seems funny that it was two years ago now. I remember falling flat on my face (figuratively and literally) and I'm still paying for it today.
And three years ago, I was breaking up with RJ at this point. That was definitely a turning point in my life. It was when someone finally said, "here Jess, THIS is what's wrong with you, you're not alone in this anymore." It's a shame what it took to get diagnosed with Borderline Personally Disorder, but it has been a liberating experience, when I don't try and separate myself from my diagnosis.
And 2003? I was still dating Dave Dude, falling flat on my face in my own place. I think I was getting over Mono at this point. What a joy that was. My place where I would jump up and down on my bed "because I could," eat peanut butter and chocolate chips and sugar "because it was my house and my rules."
2002- Starting at Dawson. Where I couldn't figure out what the backwards pointing arrows meant. I was completely overwhelmed at how HUGE the place was. I remember the gang from the War and Peace profile. I still talk to Daniel, we go out for coffee at Timmies :)
It's been a long and winding road, but I am finally at a point in my life where I wake up and I LIKE being me. I'm proud of the fact that no matter what life's thrown at me, I landed on my feet, gaining the XP needed to move on to the next level. What I like about Facebook is that it's one big blend of people and place I've been before. Some who remember me one way, some who have seen me grown and change through out time. Some who's lives I've touched and some who have changed mine.
Anyways here's to another year of possibility and change.
(Xposted to Facebook) |
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| And for my next trick... |
[Sep. 1st, 2007|09:24 am] |
So it's day 15 of my MSN ban. It's going well. I actually picked up my knitting needles for the first time in oh... far too long. It was nice I was having a glass of Sangria and listening to the Dave Ramsey podcast of the day. (Quote from today's show: You DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING, not unless you can pay CASH for it... That one hit home.) I decided to start on the 15th because it was a nice round number. Well today's the 1st so I figured that I would start a new habit... Are you ready for this one?
NO MORE SNOOZING THE ALARM!!
That means... getting out of bed the first time it rings.
Things I hope to achieve with this:
1) Actually cooking more meals before work
2) Stop wasting limbo sleep-wake time
3) (reoccuring theme here) More blogging
4) More energy
5) To prove to myself that I can indeed do it
So for 30 days from today, Sept 1st to Monday Oct 1st, I am going to get up, the first time, the one time, and not step foot back into bed.
I'm also going to remember that:
1) Being groggy is a temporary state
2) I can snooze on the metro on the way to work
3) I like having a life
4) I'll get more done
5) I need a resonable amount of sleep (for me 8-9 hours is fine)
6) I love the early morning
So here I am babystepping my way to a new habit. For those of you who have things that they would like to slowly bring into their lives, Steve Pavlina has a great article on on 30 day habits. He's also got articles on How to become an early riser and (for me) How to Get Up Right Away When Your Alarm Goes Off
Anyways I should be getting home and getting to bed or something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2007|01:30 am] |
It's nice to have friends with varied interests. Through Facebook I got back in touch with an old high school fling. It's interesting in several ways. One, I get reminded of the person I was back in HS, how I've changed and grown and changed and grown since then and two, we actually go out for dinner at nice places, which is a great change from my 1.58$ Jr chicken burgers at McDs or $5.07 sandwich combo at Timmies. (Yes I know, you all don't have to remind me about my 75$ Old Port dinner, okay?) It's nice to actually walk by a nice place and go: "wouldn't this be nice to try out?" And dinner with someone is that much nicer than supper at my desk at work :P
Also hung out with RJ at archery on Wednesday, which was nice in a different way. My aim sucks, considering I've not picked up my bow in far too long. I think I'm going to give up my bow, sell it somewhere and maybe pick up a stroke/heartrate counter for my swimming, which is a hobby that I should invest more time and money in, that I like slightly better. It's so pretty though... Anyways it's something to think about. There's a bunch of stuff that I should get rid of anyways. It'd be nice to have a garage sale with the piles of stuff I've accumulated at home and get some cash for it. I think I'll be lazy and just give it away to Renaissance, when I can get a car to actually carry it there. Note to self: get your license soon Jess.
I didn't get any cooking done this weekend, my schedule was all out of whack after working 4-12 for the week. Now I've switched back to 0-8/9 for the weekend, Monday off (boo, no double pay, especially when I need it) then Tuesday fraud and then Wednesday I get my teeth pulled so I'm off until Monday. I've already started stocking up on soup, pudding, apple sauce and JELL-O. Anyone got any other suggestions of what I can eat? And what I'm going to do while dopped up on painkillers? My DVD player (which I did get for free) doesn't seem to like me. I'll try finding another one eventually. I suppose there's always www.yourtvlinks.co.uk to keep me amused.
Anyways, time to get back to it then... |
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| Quick update |
[Aug. 27th, 2007|09:47 pm] |
Hey!
I realized that it had been a while since I last updated, so what can I say that is interesting about my life right now? It's stable and somewhat predictable. Work, apt, some cooking here and there. Lots of Timmies coffee.
I've started reading personal finance blogs on a regular basis now. The best trick I picked up was saving my change at the end of the day. With some older change I've been trailing around for a while, I've put away over an extra 50 bucks so far. I've decided to split it towards paying Algonquin and some money for my vacation fund (which I raid every so often for things like the Lappy 486).
Things are starting to add up in my debt repayment. I've knocked my student loan down 500$ or so and about the same on my Algonquin loan since I've started paying it intensely. Speaking off 500$ I'll have about the same put away in an Emergency fund by the end of the month (greatly inspired by Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover ). Money, money, money... It's nice to be working. I finally took my overdraft off my account, so if I don't have it, I don't spend it.
I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled on the 5th of September, taking some time off work for that.
And that in a nutshell is what's been up. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|03:34 pm] |
1. Leave me a casual comment of no particular significance. Any remark, meaningless or not.
2. I will respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. Update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in your own post.
5. When others respond with a desultory comment, you will ask them five questions.
Questions thoughtfully posed by synthemoestitia
1 - How would you describe your current situation in life?
Awesome, incredible, kick ass and cool. I have a job I love, people I love in my life, an apt I love, I have enough money to live comfortably, blogs I love, oh I could go on and on and on and on. Life is pretty sweet right now.
2 - What do you do when you are down to pick up your mood?
I have a bunch of things:
Talk to dear friends on the phone
Blog
Listen to Abraham
3 - Asides from the Beatles, what kind of music you like?
Didn't I already answer this question...
Solo Beatles (Sean/Julian)
Qntal/Era/Helium Vola (Medieval stuff)
BSB/Britney/Christina/Phil Collins
Lonestar
Etc...
4 - Growing up in a jewish household, what did you like the best?
Hands down... Pesach (that's Passover for the rest of yous). I really think that it's a holiday designed for kids. From negotiating the ransom for the Afikoman, to the Mah Nistana (the Four Questions), to chopped liver and gefilta fish, tongue and lamb, it's a holiday that's got awesome memories for me.
Although when I was with Fabienne Rosh Hashana has some pretty good food memories associated with it.
5 - Have you ever been with someone who you feel could be "the one" ?
Yes. And they know who they were, so I don't have to go into it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2007|01:37 am] |
1. Leave me a casual comment of no particular significance. Any remark, meaningless or not.
2. I will respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. Update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. Include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in your own post.
5. When others respond with a desultory comment, you will ask them five questions.
Questions thoughtfully posed by gregorama
1. You've mentioned that you are of the Jewish faith. How observant are you? Do you keep kosher or go to synagogue regularly?
Jewish, yes, observant, no. I do have little things that I do that are important to me as a Jew. I wear a star of David around my neck, that's important to me. I'm starting a collection of menorahs, I generally put up a mezuzah in my various homes. I don't write out the name of G-d and I spaz at Jews who do. Passover is important to me. I fast for Yom Kippur. I do the little things that I was raised with that are still important in my eyes.
2. How many different locations have you lived in during the last three or so that we've known each other in the LJ-sphere. Which did you despise the most?
Okay three years brings us back to 2004.
Mar 2004 - Oct 2004 With RJ
Oct 2004 - Jan 2005 Downstairs at Tangante
Jan 2005 - Aug 2005 Upstairs in the apts at Tangante
Aug 2005 - Nov 2005 Pembroke
Nov 2005 - Dec 2005 At the shelter
Jan 2006 - Feb 2006 Supervised home with Annette
Mar 2006 - Oct 2006 On St. Jacques with the psycho roomate
Oct 2006 - May 2007 Ressources Jeunesse ("the House")
May 29th 2007 - Current Ressource Jeunesse Supervised Apts
Ouch it looks bad when written out that way. I'd say the lowest period in my life would be the period from Nov 2005 to Oct 2006. In order of unhappiness 1) Shelter 2) Annette 3) St Jacques.
3. What is your opinion of unions?
Don't really think about them. Never been in a high class enough job to worry about them. I like the whole idea of not being able to get fired but I'm not sure how I would feel about paying them a chunk out of my paycheck each week.
4. I don't think I've heard you mention music aside from the Beatles. What is your next favourite artist/group/band?
Can I say solo Beatles? *Looks hopeful* No? Okay... Well when I was young I liked the Backstreet Boys. I've got some Oasis, Qntal, Era, Phil Collins, Julian Lennon, Sean Lennon and other stuff on my new toy. Second fave group, don't really have one.
5. You're given the power to resurrect the dead but for every good person you resurrect you have to resurrect one evil person. Mother Theresa and John Wayne Gacy, worth it?
Considering I had to look up Gacy Hmm... No I wouldn't want a monster like that running around again. |
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| I'm glad to be me! |
[Aug. 3rd, 2007|10:09 pm] |
I was sitting outside on the balcony, a glass of Sangria with raspberries in my hand, watching the clouds after the storm and I was overwhelmed with this feeling of being so glad to be me.
I've come so far since last year.
Knowing that I have stable money coming in.
Knowing that bills are paid.
Knowing that debts are being paid off.
Knowing that if I feel like a steak for dinner, then I can go and get a steak for supper.
Knowing that if I want a glass of booze, then I can have a glass of booze.
It was a really zen moment and I don't have the words to explain why it moved me so.
I am glad to be me. |
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| Food geek? |
[Aug. 2nd, 2007|10:28 am] |
I was talking to a friend the other day, getting all excited that I had new food pictures on my IRiver and he called me a food geek. A food geek? I had never thought of myself that way... What other kinds of geekdom do I follow... A minor sex geek, more of a Money geek (you should have seen me when I saw the coin roller machine, we have them in Canada now... happy happy happy happy, and I've been working at saving and rolling change, no more, now once a month to the machine :D) I finally installed Microsoft Money on my lappy, I like it so far. Still have to play with it some and get used to it, but I'm baby stepping along with it. Like transfering my budget over from Open Office to MM. To do soon...
Anyways back to work...
Coming soon, Jess' moving in party (when I have a WHOLE WEEKEND OFF... Friday, Sat, Sun... ALL TO MYSELF!!!!) |
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| Wise words from the SPAMONATOR |
[Jul. 21st, 2007|06:45 am] |
Never claim as a right what you can ask as a favor.
The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one.
You have such strong words at command, that they make the smallest argument seem formidable.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
Being on the tightrope is living everything else is waiting.
What most men desire is a virgin who is a whore.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Peak performers see the ability to manage change as a necessity in fulfilling their missions.
All motion is cyclic. It circulates to the limits of its possibilities and then returns to its starting point.
We sing in a church, why can we not dance there?
The paths of glory lead but to the grave.
Sir, more than kisses, letters mingle souls. For, thus friends absent speak.
It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare. |
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| Recycling |
[Jul. 16th, 2007|04:52 pm] |
Heh, I think I'm going to take a break from school after this semester. Or maybe take Hebrew classes, or maybe JUST TAKE A BREAK.
I'm being bad, Bad, BAD. No where in the rules does it say that I'm not "allowed" to recycle an essay I wrote for another class into a current one, but I still know that it's not the most ethical thing to do. I was supposed to write it about something else and handed in a Biblio for it and everything only I just didn't get the time to write it. My HPV essay is one that I spent a lot of time and effort on, why can't I reuse it, slightly edited of course. I know it's so baaaaaaddddd and lazy of me. I'm a busy girl. (Shift-)Work, school, volunteering (coming up, I have no clue what I'm going to do about that) , sleep, blogging (need more to write about) did I mention sleep, bf (hmm, more time needs to be alloted here as well), community stuff. I feel like everything I say I'm going "oh need to spend more time here as well"
In good news, I'm being so good about my budget this week. My bank account has 0.00$ in it. That's right ZERO. And I'm thrilled about that. I'm not carrying my debit card with me and it's going to stay at ZERO, not MINUS MONEY. Which means when I get my paycheck, all of it is going to go to me. Algonquin debt is down another 160$ to 1220$ and I've learned that I can push tuition expenses as tax deduction (or whatever) for as many years as I please, which I just may use for this year, we shall see. I've also started stocking away my change at the end of every day, which is also going well, I just need a change sorter now. I'm exactly on my 10$ a day budget and I've got 40$ left for groceries, which means I didn't blow it all on the first day. Another victory! Go me, I am awesome.
So now I'm going to go and run to Canadian Tire before class in fifteen to check their change thingy things. |
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| Well it's amazing what just plain SLEEP will do |
[Jul. 15th, 2007|07:07 am] |
So I got in on Friday morning, kinda hungry and feeling icky and thinking that it was just because I was hungry, went to bed (after ever so briefly seeing Ariel) and it all went downhill from there. Ugh. I debated going to work or not, threw up at one point and was still determined to go to work because a) there are only 5 of us CSR, it's next to impossible to replace us b) it was overtime time that I was getting... At one point I said screw it and called my boss and said, I can't make it in. She calls me back 10 minutes later and says I don't believe you that you're sick, weren't you supposed to have today off anyways (shift swap with someone), anyways, long story short (and there are details that I'm glossing over) I end up going into work anyways, where I spent most of it sleeping anyways. She did however have the next person come in 2 hours early.
So I got home on Saturday morning around 8, I did cave and take a cab home from the metro, the sun was just way too bright and my feet were just SOOOO heavy, crawled into bed and passed out. I do remember waking up at 6 pm or so with a headache and debating heading out to a BBQ that I was supposed to go to but it just seemed so far away and I was comfy and warm in my bed (I'm more than slightly irked at having missed it now, I would have had a lot of fun, meh there will be others).
So I wake up this morning 5am sit down on the computer to notice that the Net is out, go lay back in bed, get up again 30 mins later, fix the Net and putzed around. Never mind the fact that I have a 1000 word essay due tomorrow that I've barely started, all in due time and I have tomorrow off anyways, I'll figure it out somehow, not like I don't know the subject well enough.
And in other news... Yes, there's that. And that, which is related to the previous. I'm not saying anything until I have an official decision in my hands (and even then). It would make me happy, but again, it's crazy talk. Happy vs crazy talk. Happy vs crazy talk... Hmmm? Anyways those who know what I'm talking about, know what I'm talking about. Rest of yous, chalk it up to the insanity of Jess and move on.
Other than that, been working nights for the past little bit, so haven't been doing very much. I think I have half a week of days before I switch back to nights. Such is part of life, Jess' life at least.
Time to get ready to run off to work. |
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| What is that star around your neck? |
[Jul. 7th, 2007|09:16 pm] |
This snippet (yes the Jehovah's conversion rate) found floatting around the internet lead me to a brief conversation with a bunch of Latter Day Saints people. Now I've had this question asked in different way to me. This one was plain fishing for me to start a fight or something... (I mean c'mon they train these people, PLEASE don't tell me that they don't recognize major religion logos)
The conversation went something like this:
What's that star around your neck?
What this? It's a Star of David.
And what religion is that from?
... Judaism.
So you're Jewish?
...Yes, thus the Star.
I wasn't going to fall into any of their traps, thank you very much.
I've had this question posed to me this way:
What's the symbolism of the Star around your neck?
Oh just the fact that I'm proud to be Jewish.
Being Jewish... What a subjective term. Hmm? What a broad spectrum. I mean compared to some (*cough*) I can hardly call myself Jewish. Then again I nearly had a spaz attack at him saying god when referring to G-d. And I just get all tangled in the but but but but TRADITION (*cue in the violins please*) when trying to argue it. The little things that are important to us. Which reminds me, I've still to put up my Mezuzah, need screwdriver and pretty gold screws to do that, because I am NOT putting it up with tacks outside my door, I would have a FIT if my mezuzah that I bought in the Holy Land were to mysteriously disappear. And then me getting all excited at having a Nes Gadol Hayah Po (A great miracle happened Here) dreydle. A silly little thing but it makes me happy, as you can only buy those in Israel. I keep wanting to buy kumquats only I have absolutely no idea what to do with with. must have a picture of a kumquat tree from March, somewhere, on one of 18 rolls of film from that trip.
So the question is still... What makes someone Jewish... Keeping Kosher, keeping Passover, wearing a star, knowing the right song to sing at the right time, having someone say a few words while you swim in hot water, believing in the Holy Land, so many little things to this religion that each one holds near and dear. It was actually thinking about someone converting that got me thinking in this direction. I mean how do you explain the little things, the memories that go with them, the traditions behind them simpler, yes, but the meaning and emotion behind them.
I mean can you really get a kick out of finding the Afikoman as an adult? You can explain it all you want, but so many little memories about negotiating ransom for it. So many memories that it's hard to pinpoint them down and talk about them. Flubbing the first note of my Bat Mitzvah, tongue and chopped liver with family, reading the prayer after the Sh'ma in Junior Cong (still the most meaningful prayer to me), getting my first star, that first step on Israeli soil, the shoes, the shoes, the hair, the worn steps at Auschitz, ah always getting stuck doing the four questions.
I suppose memories have to start somewhere. A beginning for everything. You set the importance on everything you do. I don't say it's impossible, I just wonder. And everyone's memories will vary, I suppose that's the beauty of it all.
Anyways, I've got some meal prepping to do before I go and pass out, it WAS supposed to be an early night/day/whatever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|10:53 pm] |
I'm having a blue day... Flef.
Good moods come and go... Reaching for the better feeling thought... not obvious.
If anyone talks to Choco... tell him I miss him.
Anyways time for the work. My boss just got back from vacation, so I'm expecting an inbox full of email telling us how much we screwed up stuff while she was gone.
Meh, meh, meh... MEH (subtitle Douglas) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 1st, 2007|01:55 am] |
Bliss is...
Listening to a song you first heard nine years ago... Live.
Eating raspberries, crushing them on the roof of my mouth and letting the flavor explode and drinking white port.
Having a question answered from Abraham that I needed to hear.
Finding out that there is an Abraham podcast when I most needed positivity in my life.
Making it on my own.
Julian Lennon music.
Finally feeling pretty, what a blessing to (after all these years) have clear skin. And I love my curly hair.
Having my own laptop, because its MY lappy 486!!
Remembering the good times and knowing that it's only a matter of time.
As for the question from Abraham... How can I feel good without others' approval?
You can't choose to listen to others when they approve then say that their opinions don't matter when its negative.
Look for your approval from Source!!
How do you hear Source? (G-d force, Inner Being etc...) In sunshine gleaming through the clouds, in a bird that flies by. By looking for what makes you smile. By choosing to IGNORE the truth, tell "what is" to go and screw itself and choose to feel better (not always good, better) no matter what.
There was more but I'll listen to it again when it's on prerecorded podcast mode.
It's so easy to get swept away with what is... To complain about what is. And that only creates more of what is. Ask and it is given, every time, no exceptions. The most important thing is that you have to get out of the way and let it in.
Anyways, I'm miles away from where I was today. I let fear creep in again. I choose to feel good. I am secure in the fact that wellness abounds. All is well. In optimism there is magic.
I love, therefore I am. |
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| Moving up the emotional scale |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|09:22 pm] |
I was feeling blue today, couldnt quite put my finger on it. Something about Mo and being too dependant and other stuff that Im not going to vent about until Im less upset. Random stuff running through my mind. Prevented me from fully enjoying the Sean Lennon concert even.
So I said... Its cold, let us go to the club and warm up. And then I went from being depressed to being angry... But I dont want to talk about it... It was an improvement, thats all that matters. Reaching for a better feeling thought.
I shouldnt even be here, I should be in bed. I went to bed super early last night, then couldnt sleep because I hadnt eaten, woke up, ate, putzed around on the Lappy 486 then went back to bed, fell asleep by 9, it was nice.
Sigh, Im being a snarky bitch, although its fun, I dont like it.
Anyways, time to go and take a dip in the pool and wait for the stars to come out. |
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| IF THEN statements |
[Jun. 29th, 2007|07:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
Or "Never doubt in the power of the Universe"
Or "Ask and it is Given. Everytime. No exceptions."
Or "Being in the right place at the right time."
Watching LoA incidents happen to other people is amusing. Take this example:
Ariel came over so we could take my 15 mins off together. We do this often, with my variant break schedule, depends on who's working, sometimes it's 15, if Megan's in it can be 30 and if Fraud is working I get a full hour. Now here's a series of things that happened that led up to this...
He had left work sick
Went for lunch with his girlfriend
Had to wait for me as I rushed around helping 4 people, multitask, multitask. (He caressed my hair as I was freaking out, it was a long busy day and I was stressed out)
Bumped into an old friend of his
Started talking
And landed an interview on the spot
Now if that's not LoA at work, I don't know what is.
Look at the fact that it's a Jewish company
It's right next door to my job (I like this part)
It's better than Sales, which is making him miserable.
Now, to manifest a job... As Abraham would say:
Find something to be happy about.
Goodbye.
If you bask at the beach... productive time.
If you enjoy working at the computer... productive time.
If you work at the computer and are miserable... not productive time.
Or if you lie at the beach and feel guilty... not productive time.
Not easy this whole being happy thing. I catch myself complaining all the time. So much to complain about yet there's so much to be happy and thrilled and ecstatic and joyful and delighted and and and... And I intend to find it.
In other news... Sean Lennon concert tomorrow, I had forgotten about it, been so involved in my own life and this and that.
Month in the apt today.
Five months at work... I'm late a lot lately tho, I've REALLY got to work on that.
I was wiped out and tried to go to bed early, but I needed to eat something, and then blog of course.
I had the intention to run into someone I knew today. Then a strange thing happened to me... I watched a burgundy T-shirt go by... recognized it as a paratrooper's shirt... my feet glued themselves to the sidewalk... tried to take a step and just couldn't until the shirt walked away. Memories are odd that way.
Yes, I know, I should be over it completely by now, it's been three months, but I'm not, I still miss him sometimes, he was a good friend, a great conversationalist not to mention talented in the bedroom. I'm doing it again, wrapping my life around someone and I don't like it, look at what happens if they leave, my world collapses.
Appropriate songs that swim around in my head a lot (and on my IRiver)
Tho I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before.
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life, I'll love you more.
If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true and help me understand.
'Cause I've been in love before and I found that love was more than just holding hands.
Anyways I'm tired and I'm going to go and grab a shower and try passing out once more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2007|07:24 pm] |
Wow, so THIS is what it's like to actually be busy... What a nice feeling...
DAY OFFFFFFFFF tomorrow... OT pay to spend and skinless boneless chicken is on SALE... Jess runs to go and stock up... two packages per customer my ASS. Me thinks it's going to be a cooking blitz.
Other than that, bawled my way through my last therapy session with my therapist that I've been with for 7.5 years. She wrote me a story detailing what I've been through since we've been together, sad times, happy times, more stable times. She started crying too when we were reading it. I have her address so I'll be writing her after she moves to Vancouver. Jess remembers that All Things Must Pass... And that good friends are worth their weight in gold. Thanks you!
What else, what else?
I just found out that Abraham has a weekly CD program where I can listen to workshops once a month or once a week. I may find room in the budget for that. I listen to the podcasts from Hay House while I'm walking to work in the morning/night. It helps me to try and focus on the positive, not to try and go back and make all the unmade beds over the years. To reach for the better feeling thought. To stop myself when I'm doing that thing I do. To take the time to be in absolute bliss as I dangle my feet in the fountain at PVM, or as I stare up at the beautiful construction of man, or as I appreciate the contrast in life (just like the weather, nothing like a wave of humidity hitting you after freezing your ass off in the office). To remember to appreciate what I have, not to focus on what's lacking or what I'm complaining about (THAT'S a hard one, but but but but I LIKE complaining)
Just got my paycheck and went Wow! I've broken into 5 digits and we're not even half way through the year. It's nice to be rich. I just have to remember how much I appreciate it, as I look around my apt with all my new toys and look at the fact that I can afford the yummy food that I want, the fact that though it may be tighter some weeks that I HAVE the money to pay my bills and pay myself. Because: My life is filled with abundance and all my needs are met.
Anyways, me thinks that's enough for now, gotta run back to class. |
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| Meme meme |
[Jun. 26th, 2007|10:05 pm] |
Meant to be completed by those ADULTS out of high school.
Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids?
'Have you ever kissed someone?'
'Missed someone?'
'Told someone you loved them?'
'Drank alcohol?'
Here are some questions for the people who are a little more mature...
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Right now... fucking TOTAL NET... TELL ME HOW MUCH I OWE YOU AND I'LL PAY YOU BITCHES
2. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
In bed... dessert is best
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Nope
4. When is the last time you danced on a bar?
Nope
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Marie?
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Cuddled up to someone I love who has AC
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A lawyer
8. How many colleges did you attend?
Algonquin and Dawson
9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
Shirt? You mean the one thrown on the floor next me? It was the first one I pulled out of the laundry basket and it had no sleeves
10. GAS PRICES: first thought?
Ugh. glad I don't drive
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
NYC... take someone? Hmm, I dunno.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Wasn't I just awake 5 mins ago... Head hurts, bleh, more sleep.
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Umm, dunno, I was exhausted
15. Favourite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Boxers :)
16. What errand/chore do you despise?
DISHES!! Oh and putting away laundry
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?
More like a history museum
18. Get up early or sleep in?
Snooze Queen...
19. What was your favorite cartoon character?
Meh
20. Favorite non-sexual thing to do at night with someone of the opposite sex?
Cuddle... wait that generally leads to sex... stay up and ponder Life, the Universe and Everything
21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
I took ballet as a kid... Apparantly it didn't make me any more graceful
22. Are you planning on remaining in your current job?
YES!!! I LOVE my job, five months today
23. Do you see yourself married in the next five years?
As long as I don't have to give up sleeping with other people, maybe
24. Your favourite lunch meat?
Used to be turkey, migrated to the cheaper ham
25. What do you get every time you go into Walmart?
I can't remember the last time I stepped into a Walmart
26. Beach or lake?
BOTH
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
Monogamy yes, marriage no.
28. TV show you miss?
They can't do this on television
29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Probably the club
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
Dunno
31. What's your drink?
Ameretto and Orange Juice
32. Cowboys or Indians?
Meh... who ever does the tying up I guess
33. Cops or Robbers?
Meh
34. Do you cheer for the bad guy in a movie?
Meh
35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?
Meh
36. If you had to pick one, which cast member of Lost would you be?
Meh
37. What do you want when you are sick?
Someone to kiss my forehead
38. Who from school would you like to run into?
Mike Allen, my Sec 1 computer/debating teacher
39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Online: Beatles-a-rama Room: 92fm Living room: Mix96
43. Raskolnikov (Crime & Punishment) or Leo Myshkin (the Idiot)?
Meh
44. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
There was a little incident where I __________ed with _____________ that caused things to end baddly
45. Do you like the person who's directly across/beside from you at work?
Hugo... yeah he's a riot
46. If you could get away with it, whom would you kill?
Mark David Chapman
47. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
John Lennon
48. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
John Lennon, okay in the alive shape
49. Have you ever had to use a firearm?
Does a daisy count?
50. Last book you read?
LoA something or other
51. Do you have a teddy bear?
Still sleep with the teddy rabbit
52. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Meh
53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Anywhere
54. Number of texts in a day?
Never used to text anyone, now I guess 2-4
55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
I'd like to be an animater ideally
56. Favorite Winter Olympic Sport?
Meh
57. Pencil or pen?
Pen, especially when I get my Mont Blanc
58. Ancient Egyptians or Mayans?
Egyptians I mean who else pulled people's brains out through their noses
59. How many jobs have you had?
Ugh, more than I'd like to think about
60. Are you where you thought you would be at this age?
I don't know if I really thought about it. I'm very happy with where I stand now. |
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| Spam makes me laugh |
[Jun. 24th, 2007|08:07 am] |
Hello my friend!
I am ready to kill myself and eat my dog, if medicine prices here (http://random.website.here) are bad.
Look, the site and call me 1-800 if its wrong..
My dog and I are still alive :)
Well my friend,
I'm glad to know that you and your dog are still alive.
I mean seriously, who comes up with this shit.
*shakes her head
And in Jess news... I am in LOVE with the Queen of the Night Aria... LOVE LOVE LOVE... What a beautiful song!! And not just the clip that everyone knows, the whole thing is good. Here's a version on YouTube I really like
Here's a pro doing it
And here's the version I originally fell in love with All that many years ago, I've been whistling the tune for YEARS! Now I know more of it.
BOO IMEEM for not finding my song... Yeh YouTube |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2007|10:58 pm] |
So I lent my friend some money, yes taken out of my overdraft, but the joy at being able to help someone who's been a dear friend to me is worth paying the overdraft fee for the week or so I lent him the money for. O and I were talking about it and the conversation went something like this.
Yeah it's 21% for 5 days, it's something like 50 cents.
21% of ____ is more than 50 cents, it's 21% percent.
HELLO it's 21% percent per annum... AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A JEW!!!
Yeah but you're still spending money to lend it to him... And YOU call yourself a Jew.
Still cracks me right up. |
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